An Interview With Army..

'Dhan Te Nan' [Devil Ringing] 'Dhan Te Nan'...

"What??" "Repeat the God damn line dude."
And then the connection was lost.
What I could make out of such a short conversation was that Indian Army was coming to our college for their UES posts.

My heart started thumping fast and my stomach was feeling the chill that was sent in every nook and corner of my body on hearing the news of the first company coming to our college for our recruitment.
With a highly myopic eye, I didn't knew whether I was eligible to sit in the process(Which I later came to know was not required for these posts). I was complying with all their requirements.

I was not able to distinguish between my feelings of excitement and butterflies.
There was an elated feeling of sitting in my first job interview while the fear of appearing in front of an Army Chief Commanding Officer was much more dreadful.

I completed all the requirements which one has to in order to appear in an interview. I asked my Bhabhi (MBA-HR, truly the Goddess of this field) about the questions which they might ask. I was fully prepared to face 'Hell'. I couldn't sleep the night before the Doom's Day and kept on sleeping the next day till noon. Luckily my interview was scheduled at 5 in the evening. I didn't go anywhere (except the bathroom off-course). I shaved my beard and kept my authentic 'Tikla' in place. My friends suggested me not to, but then have I ever listened to anything other than my heart.

At 4 pm my calmness went to the jungle. Even 'Dhan Te Nan' was not able to take me out of that situation. It took me half an hour to match my clothes. I got ready and forgot to comb my hair.
When I asked my friend about my look, he couldn't control his laughter. I changed the clothes again and this time I was dressed to perfection as people said when I reached the Great Hall.
People there were sharing their experiences inside. One of my friends was asked for push-ups(Roadies inspired interview), another was just asked the meaning of his name and so on.

I could imagine that the Commanding Officer(CO) was a tough nut to break as I saw the faces of my friends who had already faced the interview.

"Nipun Mittal, 7th Sem". "Shit! That sounds like my name. No it is my name. Jai Shri Ram, Jai Hanuman, and all the 8 crore Gods. Help me Mummy, Papa." And I went in. I felt as if I have entered a whole new place with 3 strong built men(Got inferiority at that very moment) and what I notice about them first was their large moustache. The chill went in deeper. I gathered all my strenth and went ahead. The war has just began....

Sgt. Nuts(That's me): Ggood Evening Ssir!

CO: A very Good evening kid. Have a seat.

[Do I look like a kid??]


CO: Why have you kept this? Don't you think it's odd?

[Looking at my Goti]

Sgt. Nuts: Pardon!

CO: I am talking about this Aamir Khan 'Goti' that you have kept young boy.

[Is this what he is going to ask me all the time?]


Sgt. Nuts: I keep it because I like it, Sir.

[Confidence pouring into me, I don't know from where.]

CO: Are you a Muslim? Muslims generally keep this kind of things.

[The Indo-Pak war continues]

Sgt. Nuts: Sir, India is a secular country. i don't believe in all such Hindu-Muslim crap.
I keep it because I like it.

[An astonished CO, Yessss]

CO: So you really like it or your girlfriend has told you?

Sgt. Nuts: I LOVE IT..

CO: Your name?

[ Now you are talking sense]

Sgt Nuts: Nipun Mittal.

CO: You have some relation with that steel tycoon LN Mittal?

Sgt. Nuts: All Baniyas are brothers, so he must be my uncle.

[ Laughung CO, Yesss again]

Then he asked me my place of birth, my areas of interest and about Ajmal Kasaab. I was answering like a machine. I don't know from where that flow came to me. But the battle doesn't finish here.

CO: Is this your first interview?

Sgt Nuts: Yes sir.

CO: So, why Indian Army?

Sgt. Nuts: Its a job of Immense Responsibility and Discipline.

CO: F*#k all responsibility and discipline. I am fed up. Give me something new.

[ What the F! The F word? CO giving a horrifying expression]

Sgt. Nuts: I can Directly serve the country being in the army. No indirect serving like others.

CO: How others serve indirectly?

Sgt. Nuts: Others give their contribution in GDP. I can serve the country directly.

CO: Your perception is wrong my boy. The GDP decides the Army budget.

[ Over confidently, confident]

Sgt. Nuts: That's what I didn't knew Sir. I may be wrong at times.

CO: Cool dude! Thanks for coming.

Sgt. Nuts: Thank you, sir.

I was expecting a more rigorous kind of an interview. but I felt great after coming out. I told my story to others and gave them some confidence. Friends told me that I had the longest interview til now. It went on for about 10 minutes. After me the CO got pissed up and gave people some writing tasks. I can understand his situation (Still remembering the F word).

The result ain't out yet. I am optimistic about the outcome. Lets see when the war gets over....

Sgt. Nuts signing out Captain..