Friday, September 25, 2009

A Jaagran In Disguise!!!

I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings by this post of mine but then this is what I noticed at a Jaagran just before a few minutes. I couldn't bear such an insult of our deity and came back home.
I am a partially atheist person. When I woke up today in the morning, I saw a pamphlet which had large letters inscribed on it calling all the (so called) MATA KE BHAKT. The pamphlet was quite a persuasive one and even I got persuaded to attend the JAAGRAN as it was near my home.
The day went by very normally in many anticipations for my future.
I had a glimpse of the preparation for the night in the evening. It looked impressive.
The JAAGRAN started at 8:00 p.m sharp and I could feel the thumps that sound energy from the place was bringing to my room. I am still feeling the same and this time a bit harder.
I went there at 10 and got a seat. The first song I heard was 'KAJRARE KAJRARE' in praise of our deity. Wow!! I thought. What the hell is going on here. Am I sitting in a club? Who the hell has composed this song in MATA's praise? Still searching for the answers, I heard another cheapo. It was yet another item number taken from a bollywood movie which I can't write here. God knows what will happen to me, if some Bajrang Dal volunteer read my blog (If he ever know how to read...Haha).
It was getting over the head and I had to return back home before I could hear any more of those cheapo songs. The people proclaiming themselves as the biggest BHAKTS are doing such an act. If a partial atheist like me can get hurt, then I don't know what is the condition of the truest of the devotees.
I can hear something. Wait. Whats this?? 'ITS THE TIME TO DISCO'. Wow!! This man is sure going places. More'....1 2 3 4.... '.  What more should I say? Everything is possible in our country.
Is this hypocrisy or professionalism? I can't understand the difference anymore. Friends Do help me find the answer in this regard as I am highly confused. This I think is the drawback of being a partial atheist.
This post wouldn't be complete wihout your suggestions. So here is d blank_________________________


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

An Interview With Army..

'Dhan Te Nan' [Devil Ringing] 'Dhan Te Nan'...

"What??" "Repeat the God damn line dude."
And then the connection was lost.
What I could make out of such a short conversation was that Indian Army was coming to our college for their UES posts.

My heart started thumping fast and my stomach was feeling the chill that was sent in every nook and corner of my body on hearing the news of the first company coming to our college for our recruitment.
With a highly myopic eye, I didn't knew whether I was eligible to sit in the process(Which I later came to know was not required for these posts). I was complying with all their requirements.

I was not able to distinguish between my feelings of excitement and butterflies.
There was an elated feeling of sitting in my first job interview while the fear of appearing in front of an Army Chief Commanding Officer was much more dreadful.

I completed all the requirements which one has to in order to appear in an interview. I asked my Bhabhi (MBA-HR, truly the Goddess of this field) about the questions which they might ask. I was fully prepared to face 'Hell'. I couldn't sleep the night before the Doom's Day and kept on sleeping the next day till noon. Luckily my interview was scheduled at 5 in the evening. I didn't go anywhere (except the bathroom off-course). I shaved my beard and kept my authentic 'Tikla' in place. My friends suggested me not to, but then have I ever listened to anything other than my heart.

At 4 pm my calmness went to the jungle. Even 'Dhan Te Nan' was not able to take me out of that situation. It took me half an hour to match my clothes. I got ready and forgot to comb my hair.
When I asked my friend about my look, he couldn't control his laughter. I changed the clothes again and this time I was dressed to perfection as people said when I reached the Great Hall.
People there were sharing their experiences inside. One of my friends was asked for push-ups(Roadies inspired interview), another was just asked the meaning of his name and so on.

I could imagine that the Commanding Officer(CO) was a tough nut to break as I saw the faces of my friends who had already faced the interview.

"Nipun Mittal, 7th Sem". "Shit! That sounds like my name. No it is my name. Jai Shri Ram, Jai Hanuman, and all the 8 crore Gods. Help me Mummy, Papa." And I went in. I felt as if I have entered a whole new place with 3 strong built men(Got inferiority at that very moment) and what I notice about them first was their large moustache. The chill went in deeper. I gathered all my strenth and went ahead. The war has just began....

Sgt. Nuts(That's me): Ggood Evening Ssir!

CO: A very Good evening kid. Have a seat.

[Do I look like a kid??]

CO: Why have you kept this? Don't you think it's odd?

[Looking at my Goti]

Sgt. Nuts: Pardon!

CO: I am talking about this Aamir Khan 'Goti' that you have kept young boy.

[Is this what he is going to ask me all the time?]

Sgt. Nuts: I keep it because I like it, Sir.

[Confidence pouring into me, I don't know from where.]

CO: Are you a Muslim? Muslims generally keep this kind of things.

[The Indo-Pak war continues]

Sgt. Nuts: Sir, India is a secular country. i don't believe in all such Hindu-Muslim crap.
I keep it because I like it.

[An astonished CO, Yessss]

CO: So you really like it or your girlfriend has told you?

Sgt. Nuts: I LOVE IT..

CO: Your name?

[ Now you are talking sense]

Sgt Nuts: Nipun Mittal.

CO: You have some relation with that steel tycoon LN Mittal?

Sgt. Nuts: All Baniyas are brothers, so he must be my uncle.

[ Laughung CO, Yesss again]

Then he asked me my place of birth, my areas of interest and about Ajmal Kasaab. I was answering like a machine. I don't know from where that flow came to me. But the battle doesn't finish here.

CO: Is this your first interview?

Sgt Nuts: Yes sir.

CO: So, why Indian Army?

Sgt. Nuts: Its a job of Immense Responsibility and Discipline.

CO: F*#k all responsibility and discipline. I am fed up. Give me something new.

[ What the F! The F word? CO giving a horrifying expression]

Sgt. Nuts: I can Directly serve the country being in the army. No indirect serving like others.

CO: How others serve indirectly?

Sgt. Nuts: Others give their contribution in GDP. I can serve the country directly.

CO: Your perception is wrong my boy. The GDP decides the Army budget.

[ Over confidently, confident]

Sgt. Nuts: That's what I didn't knew Sir. I may be wrong at times.

CO: Cool dude! Thanks for coming.

Sgt. Nuts: Thank you, sir.

I was expecting a more rigorous kind of an interview. but I felt great after coming out. I told my story to others and gave them some confidence. Friends told me that I had the longest interview til now. It went on for about 10 minutes. After me the CO got pissed up and gave people some writing tasks. I can understand his situation (Still remembering the F word).

The result ain't out yet. I am optimistic about the outcome. Lets see when the war gets over....

Sgt. Nuts signing out Captain..

Thursday, September 10, 2009

800 Hours With 'The Devil'

"College timings changed? What the f*^k man! I hate our Pappu for this. When are you coming tomorrow? 7:30, nay its 2 early. It's final year dude. Grow up. We can obviously miss the first class. Chal, then see you tomorrow. Bye. F@^k Pappu!"
And I again sat in front of my PC to continue with 'Hangover', the movie. I dont know where was the humor in the movie lost all of a sudden as I gazed at my cell('The Devil'). I was bewildered to see the talk time that was being displayed on the screen-600 Hours! I was like, "What the F*&k!"
I quickly checked my Tata devil and it showed up another 200 odd hours summing to a total of 800 hours. Many thoughts ran at once in my mind. Some of them have been summarized under:

1) Is this the time I wasted?

2) Is this time, in any sense, valuable?

3) What did I missed in these 800 hours?

4) Is this the only time that i spent with 'The Devil' or there is more?

5) Can I live without the Devil(moment of truth)?

I quickly turned off my PC and sat shocked thinking all this. There is a hell lot of time wasted with the Devil, apart from these 800 hours. My heart sank when the thought of the monolithic device called Telephone(The Landline device) came to me. I have been with the devil for the last 3 years only but, I am using the landline even before the time I could wash my own ass. The thing that matters most is the Time. These hours, if viewed as days, account to 33.33 days. What the F!! It's ringing again.

After giving many deep thoughts, I couldn't find any answer to the above questions. It has no doubt reduced my mother's tension who always thinks that I am a trouble creator.
It has become a part and parcel of life. I would rather prefer calling it a body part.

Just like the 2 sides of a coin, every device invented by man has both advantages and disadvantages. I am not someone against the Devil. People say it has increased their social circle but now they don't even think to meet an old friend just because he is in touch by that Devil.

Their are many things to write down but can someone now keep me away from 'The Devil'. It is hungry for more blood and is continuously playing Dhan te nan. I think that their is more life to go with 'The Devil'. I am counting 900, 1000, 2000, 5000............ Let's see who wins..


Monday, September 7, 2009

Delhi Belly

Delhi, Dilli, Dehli and many other names have been given to the capital of India(after all there's no rule to pronounce a proper noun). I have been to this place twice before. First when I visited Andaman and took a flight to Jaipur from here and second time was when I visited the valley of Gods and Delhi was on the way.
This time the journey begins from Kota with my Mummy in a non-stop train. Expecting some hot chicks in the train has always brought me down. There was not even a single 'Pataka' in the train(Pataka is an exaggeration, not even a chitpati). I had 5 Point someone with me and after getting highly disappointed with my surroundings, I made a promise to finish the book in the train itself. The book was licked fully when we were about 10 mins away from Delhi(U cant imagine what problems I faced while reading as my mummy kept on making comments on my voracious reading habit which might sometimes get onto people's nerves as the world is then not a place for me).
It was raining cats and dogs in Delhi. Rain God was getting quite with time and it seemed as though someone up there is toileting on earth(hope u can understand this..:). On our way to Bhaiya's home, I saw many chinky's and not to mention all sizes of skirts. I was finally glad to see all this and in high spirits. Bhabhi and Bhaiya were wondering what has made me so energetic after such a tiring journey. Nothing great happened that day other than the mother dairy experience. It was the first time I saw milk dispensers. It feels as if you are feeding the cow with a coin and the cow is providing you the required amount(My God!! Even cows have gone professional). The funny part was that people were telling the shopkeeper, "Mera to 1 litre kum aaya.." Next day I had to apply for the gas connection as Bhaiya has no time. So me and Bhabhi went for it and breaking all the rules we got the conection and cylinder the same day(Thanks to my acting skills which made the authorities to really think that I had an upset stomach due to improper outside diets for 5-6 days). Next day I had to apply for the internet connection and after many persuasive requests to the sexy CCE, the connection was installed the same day. Next day was the day I was waiting for. I had a plan to meet 2 of my old friends at different locations and times. So I left for Gaziabad from my place. The auto, I sat in, got its clutch wire torn off. I got another auto after a km walk and that auto was restricted to go any further due to some demolition in Gzbd. Finally I had to take the same old "11 number ki gaadi" which never ditches you. After strolling for about 2 kms an auto came from nowhere and I jumped into it. My friend had reached there on time and I was still strolling after getting off from the auto. The building seened to be there but the entrance was nowhere. At last I found her and we half hugged each other. I cant tell you what it feels to meet an old friend after 5 years. Its that kind of feeling which cannot be penned down. We ate, talked a lot and discussed various topics. There I saw all kinds of despos and some pseudo partners. Then I went to her home and had 'Kheer' and called the second friend to get ready. I left her with a very heavy heart but then we depart to meet again. I reached his house and hugged him tight. Without wasting anytime we went out with one more of our friends for our booze party. We sat and discussed many alien topics on the rocks. Solutions were being poured down one by one for each problem. Then we went home and had our photo session and I left for my home. Being new to the place I asked my passage from 2 girls, wearing a barely minimum mini, in anticipation. It needs a lot of guts to do this. But those guts came down when you are being told the wrong way(Moral:Beautiful girls are dumb). Finally an aunty helped me and I reached the place. One can imagine what happens when in a day you got to see this so much of Delhi bellies. All the clouds were gone and I just felt like sleeping keeping all the memories intact with me. But there's one thing for sure--"You cannot find a better belly, all over India, than the very own desi Delhi Belly............:p